eldarwannabe

They KILLED Kyle Rayner!?

Oh, no. They absolutely did not.

First, I've been avoiding this whole Blackest Night thing in general because, like all Big Crossovers, you mostly just wait for the convoluted storyline to finish so you can sort through the rubble and assess the fallout. (So that you can memorize a new status quo and keep tabs on it until the next Big Crossover, which you will wait out. Rinse and repeat.)

This does apply to the people who follow it monthly as well. Because when you figure it out ahead of time? They'll switch the Big Bad on you. Thanks, DC.

Plus, I think they've been handling a lot of the basic concepts very, very badly. (Since when was death an emotion? Why are these corpses sexy? Ewwwww. Can they come back to life? How many characters do you have to kill to make this stupid mess relevant?)

That's not totally fair. I think this is a much more interesting way to do DCU!Zombies. I think there's a lot of potentially good story to tell. I honestly don't think DC can manage that right now.

(They basically only got me for a bit because Tempest showed up, and I happened to pick up the first two issues to catch up on comics for something not related to my typically comic-buying patterns. So, Tempest is one of my favorite oft-ignored characters. So I was thrilled. Briefly. Then I was confused and sad.)

( Back to my point. )

I'm on a borrowed laptop, with spotty internet access, but the world must know:

I HAVE WEDNESDAY COMICS ISSUE ONE!

There are something like two comic book stores in the country and I managed to get to one of them yesterday. Of course, I have serious doubts about my ability to do it again, but at least I got the first issue, right? I've been slowly savoring it, like hot tea, little sips at a time. It's just so awesome!

(I think I might spontaneously combust next Wednesday if I don't get the next issue. Kaboom.)

I miss you all! I'll try to get some more time in later so I can catch up with people and fandom. (Barbara! What is happening with you?)

Anyway, gotta run! I hope this loads OK!

So, there's this character named Mon-El in DC Comics. His premise is a bit wonky, but to sum up the current situation: He's from a planet very similar to Krypton, except instead of being vulnerable to Kryptonite (a la Superman) he is extremely vulnerable to LEAD. Lead is very common on Earth, where he inevitably ends up, because that's where all superheroes end up eventually. To save him from the deadly dangers of lead, Superman sticks him in this "phantom zone," basically an empty alternate dimension.

Following? Good. A cure is discovered for lead-poisoning (doesn't matter how) and Mon-El comes out of the phantom zone. Great, right? Well, turns out Superman is gonna be off-planet for a while, so Mon-El is going to cover for him (protect Metropolis and everything. Remember, Mon-El has the same power set as Superman).

And now, here's the point. READ HERE IF YOU SKIPPED THE LAST PARAGRAPHS: We have an alien on Earth who is learning English as a second language. Rather than using the typical hand-waving of sci-fi, it is decided that Mon-El is going to pretend to be BRITISH to explain why he has an accent and talks with weird syntax.

WHAAAA?

Americans might not BE British, but we know what a real British accent sounds like! If someone has a random accent, I can give a pretty good guess if it's British (or from a British colony, like Australia) or not. There is NO WAY that cover story would work. Make him from some really random country with an unfamiliar accent, like an Indonesian Island or something. I see British people on TV, in the city. I have British friends, know random British slang...bad country choice, DC. Really.

Things about the (American) comic book industry that should be common knowledge, but are not:

Yes, comic books are still being published today. And not just in those books you might see in Barnes and Noble. They are published in those little pamphlets you might associate with the second World War.

The vast majority of comic book in the United States are published by two main companies: Marvel Entertainment and DC Comics, commonly referred to as Marvel and DC.

Marvel publishes Spiderman, The Hulk, Iron Man, The X-Men, Thor, and many, many others.

DC publishes Batman, Superman, The Flash, Green Lantern, and many, many others.

Comic books are sent out once a week to comic book stores on Wednesdays. This is the day every week when a comic book fan will typically swing by his local comic book store to pick up that week's batch of issues.

Most comic book titles are published once a month - so every month, on one of the Wednesdays of that month, there will be a new issue of a specific title. (like Batman, or Spiderman.)

There are more comic books being published then you think there are.

There are also some smaller comic book publishing companies, like Dark Horse, Image, Slave Labor Graphics, etc. They tend to not be as superhero-focused as the big two.

Comic books do NOT have to be about Superheroes, that's just a common genre in the medium

I almost guarantee you are using the term "graphic novel" wrong.

Yeah, those stories you had to read for school, like Maus and Persopolis? Those are comics too. Get over it.

Manga are also comics. So are manwha. Get over it.

For that matter, Archie comics are still comics, even though they are socially acceptable.

Yes, the term "comics," is a bit generic and definitely a misnomer. Thus is language. If you really want, you can call them "sequential art."

And for the last time, it's a MEDIUM, not a genre. To say "I don't like comics books" holds about as much water as "I don't like movies." You mean, you don't like movies at all? This isn't to say there are no people who simply do not enjoy any movies in the slightest, who find the whole idea abhorrent. But it's unlikely.

Anytime I need a random number to exaggerate something ("I've been doing this for ___ days!" "You've tried that ____ times already, give it up!") I use the number 52. Let me stress every time.

For those of you not in the know, 52 was the name of a weekly comic book DC put out a while ago, that I followed pretty closely until the end. It was all cute and clever, because there are 52 weeks in a year, and the story was to take place in (or at lease close to) "real time". Every issue covered a week and the series would cover a whole year.

The point is that I am unable to generate any other large number off the top of my head anymore. Good job, DC.

I like Geoff Johns a lot, actually. He's a crazy fanboy, and sometimes I think that crazy fanboys shouldn't be given certain properties (LET THE CHARACTERS DO NEW THINGS, STOP REHASHING) but as comic books are an increasingly niche medium full of people that go "YAY" over cameos and sly winks from the writers (guilty!) that's going to happen anyway. And I really do like a lot of his stories.

But...he's going to be writing Superboy. And while I understand that character growth mean that my favorite Superboys of look-I-have-my-own-series-and-control-my-own-life and the Young Justice incarnation are irrevocably gone.

But his name is KON-EL. Not Conner. First of all, there's already a Connor in the DCU (Green Arrow II) and secondly, he didn't use Conner as his pseudonym last time he went undercover, there's no reason for him to do it now. (There's also no reason for him to be forced to conform to the life of a normal teen - he's not normal, he never was. Conner is his secret identity, Superboy is his real identity (reverse of Clark/Superman and he lived for years on his own before suddenly being forced into the teen pidgeonhole.)

Yes, this is a ridiculous pet peeve of mine. Yes, I need to let it go, there are much bigger problems in comic books.

It just drives me SOOO crazy.

Also, Batgirl.

http://comics.ign.com/articles/983/983030p1.html

I'm not saying that you can't expand the Bat-franchise if you want to, DC. In fact, it's been done successfully before. But you have a very bad habit of trying to revert to the silver age status quo constantly, you have mishandled/ignored/killed MANY of the Batfamily expansion pack, and (someone needs to say this) Gotham is JUST ONE CITY. It shouldn't need quite this many heroes, honestly. If we're really supposed to believe the Bludhaven pitch, I think a couple of heroes should migrate down the turnpike and help out there (if it's not still an irradiated mess. Don't get me started.)

So really, DC, stop this right now. Your time would be better spent building up some of the Wonder Woman cast so we can really believe you when you sell the "Trinity" concept to me. 'Cause I'm not buying it (LITERALLY).

Plus, what exactly are you planning to do with Cass anyway?

I'm not following any Legion title for a few reasons. First, I'm not so thrilled about how Legion of 3 Worlds is going, and rather that twiddling my thumbs for weeks and weeks waiting for it, I'm probably going to buy it in trade. I'll be honest, I probably buy it in trade no matter how terrible it ends up, because it's GEORGE PEREZ drawing the LEGION. I honestly can't even pretend to resist.

(Unless Barbara becomes Batgirl before L3W comes out in trade, in which case I will be buying the Runaways and Young Avengers TPBs instead, in a desperate attempt to pretend that teenage superheroes are all the same no matter who they are. (LIES, LIES AND TOMFOOLERY!) and I will satisfy my Legion kick with my old trades. I'd betters stock up now.)

So, Batgirl.

A brief history for all and sundry. Barbara Gordon went to a costume party dressed up as Batgirl, saves Bruce Wayne and discovers that heroing is definitely for her. After years in the costume, she gets shot by the Joker, becomes paralyzed from the waist down, and instead of letting that stop her, becomes Oracle. Oracles is the go-to resource for EVERY superhero on the planet. She is a master of technology, and she knows stuff about you you don't even remember. I need to emphasize this - BATMAN goes to her for help. (or he did, before Grant Morrison got to him) She is no longer Batgirl, but to quote MightyGodKing she is "Probably the only example where a maiming with slightly misogynistic overtones wholly improved a character, without question, by giving her a unique role that has become so prominent and fantastically obvious in retrospect that nowadays people keep copying it. It’s a brilliant and fairly literal application of the old “brains over brawn” maxim, and it works perfectly.""

Cassandra Cain was raised by an assassin to become the perfect killing machine - she never heard spoken language, so her brain compensating by hard-wiring her for action as her native language. The way you can read other people through their words, she can do through pure body movement, where it's much harder to lie. She was sent on her first killing mission as a child, and once she realized what she had done, she ran away until she hit Gotham, and it was there that she found the channel she needed to focus her abilities while helping humanity. She took the name Batgirl with Barbara's blessing, and despite some recent awful storytelling, there is a lot of great stuff in her character.

Now, DC is doing a lot of big bat-events, and for a while now it's looked like Barbara will gain use of her legs again. I'm of two minds about this. One part of me thinks it's an awful idea. Not only is it basically removing the only handicapped hero from the DC roster (and in a medium that has been trying to be all "minority-conscious" what with the gay Batwoman and all, someone must realize that the handicapped population is a minority, pretty much. It's even a minority that transcends traditional barriers!) but it is also taking away the facet of her character that ALLOWED her to become great. Because she was going nowhere as Batgirl. Another part of me is yelling, "Come on, this is a medium where Batman broke his back and came back, people DIE frequently and come back a few years later, what's a paralyzed woman or two walking again?" And that is a good point. Another good point that I constantly bring up to myself: "It's a fictional story. Anything that makes for good storytelling can and should be used. Look at the Legion of Superheroes concept." And that is also a valid point. So bring back her legs - if you have a good story to tell with it.

So, she's gonna start walking again. I can handle that.

But what is she gonna be now that she can walk again?

I have a whole ramble about Oracle. I don't want to get into it now, but it looks like I'm going to brush the surface a little: In the 21st century, a character like Oracle is ESSENTIAL. To quote Gail Simone, in Birds of Prey 65,: "In the future, combat will be a matter of computers...wars will be fought in cramped, dark rooms by men with glasses. 'Assassinations' will become bloodless and distant." There's a lot of truth to that. People are dying now because some idiots on Wall Street made a lot of mistakes with a lot of virtual money. And Oracle, as computer-meastra extraordinaire is at the head of the curve. So frankly, even if she can walk, she can do the most good at the computer. I'd love a chance to see her walking around, orchestrating the superheroic events of the planet on her cell phone while volunteering at a homeless shelter or something. Or pulling our her laptop in the changing room of a department store and stopping an accidental nuclear launching in Russia. Because she CAN.

Unfortunately, Superhero comics have an unnatural obsession with action shots and dramatic poses. So Barbara is gonna put on some tights if she gets back her legs. (Even though she should probably get a couple of months recovery time and physical therapy, at least) And this is where the REALLY BIG problem comes in.

You see, there is some evidence that Barbara is going to become Batgirl again. If this happens, I might cut off DC cold-turkey. Seriously, I'll become a Marvel girl to survive. Because it's just degrading to the character, and maybe even women in general.

You see, Barbara is, at the youngest, in her mid-to-late 20s. She's a at least 2 years older then Dick Grayson and he's somewhere in his 20s. And no self-respecting 20 year old woman is going to run around calling herself "girl" anything. Frankly, you stopped getting referred to as a girl by 18, and DC has done a decent job in recent years establishing that she wanted to be called "Batwoman" originally - it just didn't stick. Which is fine. Batwoman doesn't really role off the tongue anyway. But now that Barbara is literally getting back on her feet, someone over at DC is wondering what superhero slot to shove her in so we can have action shots of her kicking guys. And so obviously they are going to REGRESS her back to Batgirl.

(Note that Barbara can't become Batwoman now even if she wanted to - there's another Batwoman in town.)

This is like telling Dick Grayson to put on the short pants again because his legs become magically hairless. Just because he CAN doesn't mean he SHOULD. If Barbara becomes Batgirl again it ruins and ignores years of character-building.

I don't mind (as much) if she becomes a new character. Pick some new Bird/Bat/Greek mythology reference and let her be that! Call her Chiropetra and be done with it.

I'd love for her to remain Oracle.

I can deal with her quitting the biz to learn waterskiing in Maui.

But putting Barbara in the Batgirl suit is showing that women never really do grow out of their status as girls. It shows the disregard DC seems to have for their female superheroes. It diminishes her as a character in a take-one-step-forward-and-eight-steps-backward kinda way.

The reason it took me so long to comment is that I DIDN'T BELIEVE that DC would be so idiotic as to allow that step to go forward, but the evidence is really piling up. I can only hope desperately that they'll realize how horrible an idea it is, and make some last-minute changes and stop this now. Of course, it might lead to some patchwork bad storytelling, but I'm far more OK with that then the alternate.

Listen, DC. I understand that a certain amount of character progression is actually not such a good thing. You want the people to be able to walk into the store and pick up a a comic and start buying. (So why did you kill Bruce Wayne again?) But let's be fair, We're on our third/fifth Robin, and he's showing signs of outgrowing the sidekick role. Despite the "Red Arrow" phenomenon, no one is suggesting we put Roy back in the Speedy outfit. Even though no one pays any attention to Garth, he's not going back to the Aqualad shortpants!

Secondary characters are the ones that are allowed to progress, grow and change. Frankly, a lot of the time it might be the only progression main characters are forced to handle. And in a decades-long story, that's a good thing. Characters do need to grow, at least a little bit, or the story is no longer interesting to today's audience. So let secondary characters grow up. Let Barbara come to terms with her limitations, then establish a new niche for herself. Let her walk again, if you must, but don't degrade her. Let her grow again from that experience, and move on to better stories.

The original Legion should get an Earth. These were the ones that interacted with Clark when he was a kid. He traveled to them not only through time, but also through a dimensional rift.

Then the five-years-later Legion should get an Earth. (Maybe they can be in the Frank Miller/Dark Knight Returns Earth. They could be all dark and angsty together!)

Then the SW6 Legionnaires should be from yet another Earth, and they somehow accidentally fell into the 5YL Earth by accident (actually, that clears up a lot of continuity problems)

Then the post-zero-hour Legion should get their own. (I'm thinking the current Earth-1. I like how they work with Kon-El.)

Then the threeboot Legion can be from Earth-prime.

There, I fixed it. Now GO BE HAPPY. Also, buy Legion.


(and to everyone who want the original Legion to meld seamlessly with the 5YL and SW6 the way they were originally printed - that can be a whole 'nother Earth, just for you (although the original and the 5YL share the same continuity up until the random five year gap when they split)

And the supposed original Legion that appears in the comics now is some other weird blend of the Legion as well, because it's mixing in only select bits of 5YL info, but not all of it. IS GARTH PROTY OR NOT? So they can get their own Earth too, dammit. We'll call them the post-Final-Crisis Legion.)

So, Garth has an eh-eh origin story, has been portrayed inconsistently over the years and doesn't get respect, yo.

This drives me nuts. Firstly, if you read the Tempest mini-series, you'll learn that his powers from being Atlantean are not exactly minimal.

His senses of hearing and smell are fantastic, he's stronger than a normal human (and probably more tough-skinned as well.) He's also stronger than supposed, from having to fight against underwater pressure his whole life. Most importantly, he is TELEPATHIC. I understand that he and Aquaman traditionally use their telepathy to talk to fish and other aquatic creatures. And that's all well and good. It indicates that their telepathy is probably limited to emotional directives and images. But you know what? Telepathy is telepathy, and Garth could be the Titans equivalent of the Martian Manhunter in that field. You don't need a complicated telepathic channel to send a "DANGER" feeling to your teammates in an ambiguous situation. I find the Aqua telepathy way way underused, personally.

But that wasn't good enough (even though it's more than some other heroes!) probably because he was limited to an hour above water at a time (which is such an ARBITRARY amount of time)

So now he gets magical powers!

Actually, this is pretty cool. It ties him in to the Atlantean magical heritage (which seems to get acknowledged occasionally, y'know) and it gives him some nifty scars and a much cooler costume. His powers have been portrayed differently at different times - they seem pretty generic "look magic shiny!" a lot, and can be a deus ex machina occasionally, even though they rarely are, because Garth really gets no respect.

But we do know that he can do two things: make cool blasts come from his hands and control the temperature of water.

So the random magic blasts are standard super-hero fare. Look cool on the page, can smack around anyone, what have you.

But the control of water? That's AMAZING. And no one seems to realize this. Do you know how much of the human body is made up of water? Garth could literally freeze an enemy where he stands. He could BOIL someone alive. I'm not saying he would, but he CAN. Controlling the water in the air could give him crazy mad skillz. He could make it humid, dry, hot, cold, etc. I have this great mental image of him summoning exploding geysers from the ground, because it seems like something a person with water powers should be able to do. Still, his wikipedia page is all about the "astral projections" and "telekinesis."

Well, you know what? There is no reason his connection to the water should be at all diminished. Ok, he comes from a different society, you don't need to make him all-powerful to compensate for it. Let him use his powers to their FULLEST, then see if people get interested. I know I will.

Title: Shots
Fandom: DC Comics
Characters: Roy Harper, Lian Harper
Rating: All Ages

( Will it hurt? )

Unofficial sort-of follow up to an earlier post. Really just because I feel like. So there.

Note that this is based off a combination of character histories, artist renditions and gut feeling. Feel free to disagree. (But knowing all three of you guys, I doubt you'll really care...)

Bruce/Batman: He's not a natural prodigy in the martial arts, he worked himself to the peak of human ability and he stays there through constant training. So he's built, man. He's got muscles living on muscles and he's keeping them, because he CAN. He's probably a bit top-heavy (lots of guys who work out a lot are) especially because of the constant rooftop-leaping, which is harder on the arms. He runs, sure, but if it's too far for the decel lines, he probably uses the batmobile, meaning that his legs simply aren't getting the same unintentional workout. His fighting style favors a more straightforward approach - punch, kick, etc. Not a lot of flipping and such unless necessary, so he's more grounded a lot of the time, and can afford the bulk.

Dick/Robin I/Nightwing: Definitely lighter than Batman. He had the acrobatic skills in the blood, it comes much more naturally to him, so he's not as focused on the constant weight-lifting a la Bruce. This isn't to say Dick lets himself get out of shape, but he's going to be skinnier, less ripped. His style depends a lot on being able to flip, spin, and move whenever and wherever he wants. I imagine that his training focuses a lot more on the karate/martial arts type of practice. He uses his legs a lot more then Bruce, to propel him around everywhere, so he has a more balanced build. Also, his style lends itself less to the punch-kick-while-standing, so he ends up in a crouch or a flip more often then not. (I must note somewhere: this all must be KILLER on his knees. Seriously)

Jason/Robin II/Red Hood/ Red Robin/Nighting II/?: He must have had some natural ability, or he frankly wouldn't have made it as long as he did. Possibly he's got more even then Dick, because Dick's been in some sort of training since he was a kid. On the other hand, Jason grew up on the streets, which favors knife fighting (where you try to stay out of the other person's range and slash at them whenever possible) or skin rumbles, where you grab the other person and try to get them on the ground as quickly as possible. He's not going to have the straightforward training of Bruce or the natural flair of Dick. I think he'll favor Bruce in build - more heavy and muscled, especially as weight training is easy to pick up and do on your own. I think his style would also favor Bruce - more straightforward, at least at the beginning of a fight. He probably only had enough time to cover basic basic martial arts with Bruce, so nothing fancy, more straight punches and jabs. The moment where a fight gets out of hand, he'll play dirty, not doubt about it. I find the comics that depict him flipping around like Dick to be a little weird, he doesn't have the background for it, and I doubt Bruce would train him in that style.

Tim/Robin III/so far...: Tim also doesn't come by his skills naturally. In fact, I think it's largely overlooked these days that Tim favors brains way over brawn. And he was like that before Batman, people. Tim's a detective at heart. But Tim does value the physical aspect of the job (and he probably gets a huge thrill out of it as well) so he's probably trained his butt off to get good at it. In face, his training was more intense then Dick's or Jason's (and definitely more intense then Stephanie's two weeks.) because he no only globe-trotted for it, he also trained with SHIVA. She's bad-ass, and she'd be much harder on him than Bruce ever could, 'cause she's EVIL. Build-wise, though, I just can't escape the image of a scrawny teen with wiry musculature. I just don't think Tim could put on the muscles the way Bruce does, at least not at his age. Tim's pretty built for his age (lucky him the "loose and layered" look is in for guys, so he can hide it better) but he's not sporting football player arms or anything. His fighting style will be REALLY straightforward, as he's probably taking all his moves right out of the books he pores over in his spare time. He might mix 'n match styles, but no spontaneous flipping from this bird.

Barbara/Bagirl/Oracle: As it seems pretty canonical that she's been training for some sort of crime-fighting since she was younger, I imagine that she'd be working out pretty hard from an earlier age. Less formal training than Bruce or the Robins, she'd probably favor the more standard martial arts she managed to learn at city dojos (Karate, Tai Kwan Do, etc.) and she's gonna do a lot less flipping that Dick. (actually, we can all admit that EVERYONE does a lot less flipping that Dick. So there.) As she's also a brainy, like Tim, she probably does her stuff more by-the-book. She's gonna be lighter than the boys due to sheer genetics, but I'd imagine that she' d be pretty muscled for a girl. Also, she'd probably be pretty flat (sorry boys!) because it's hard to be a serious vigilante with DD cups. Now, as Oracle she's definitely more muscled in the arms/chest area as she basically can't exercise her legs. But I imagine she's got some serious arm muscles now, even more so that when she was Batgirl. Also, as Oracle, she can take you down from 20,000 miles away with her cell phone, so I wouldn't really mess with her anyway.

Cassandra Cain/Batgirl II: I imagine Cass having a build more similar to Tim - more wiry than thick, but I imagine Cass's muscles are pretty impressive for a girl, considering she's been training since she was born, essentially. I also think her moves would be much less formal than everyone else's, because they're not separated into categories in her mind the way they are for everyone else. Her first language is movement, and it all probably blends for her. She'll use the best move for the occasion and move seamlessly into a totally different style immediately, Obviously she can recognize the styles of others, but she doesn't think through her moves the way Tim probably does. I have a feeling Cass might be a little short for her age - shorter people tend to do better in acrobatics, and she's waaaay flat, due in part to the lifelong training regiment.

Stephanie/Spoiler/Robin IV: She actually had some gymnastic and martial arts training before she became Spoiler. Plus, she has some crazy natural sneaking skills, because she's snuck up on Tim a bunch of times. She's not as muscled as Cass, and given that she's a gymnast she's probably more well-balanced, even though she favors punching people. She probably leans the most towards Dick in style, (more crouching) due to the gymnastics, but she is nowhere near his level. I don't imagine her having the same sort of training regiment as ANYONE else (she seems to have a life, sometimes) but given that she's been told to quite multiple times and refused to give up, she clearly keeps herself in shape deliberately, despite her limited resources. Also pretty flat (GYMNAST!) and she's exactly average hight, apparently.

Helena/Huntress: I know the least about her, honestly. Given that she came into the crime-fighting older than anyone else, her style is probably more stiff and straightforward, less natural then those young whippersnapper sidekicks. She clearly has less restraint than the rest of the family, and I imagine her kind of barreling into fights, punching people out without much finesse. Probably tall for a woman, and I'm putting her as the most stacked of the Bat-women, just because it would fit with her. (remember: women can't crime fight with crazy cleavage. So she is AT MOST average. Nothing spectacular. Really!)

People I know too little about to do a real analysis:

I know almost nothing about Azrael, so...nothing doing there.
Misfit is a scrawny pre-teen who doesn't do much hand-to-hand.
Alfred is an older guy in awesome shape, but he uses a shotgun whenever he has to fight, so I can't imagine him doing more than the old one-two in a fight. He's too awesomely British.
And Catwoman is very athletic and muscled, and incredibly informal in her style. She's just slinky, catlike. Well-balanced, not at all bulky and straightforward. The opposite of Batman, as it were.
Damien Wayne is an incredibly over-trained child. A bit like Cass, but I imagine him being far less fluid in his style.
I have no clue about Batwoman. Where did she come from, anyway?

When in doubt: The Name Pool

Conner
Cassandra/Cassie

and new and improved:

Helena!

WWWHHYYYY???

Also, when there is a random background character that needs a name, at least 87.49% of the time, it's Richard. I swear. Which is mostly funny because one of their MOST POPULAR characters is named Richard. Come on.